All names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Cast of characters: Drivers: George & Dennis; Co-pilots: Martha & Karen; Teenage Prisoner: Sarah
Main antagonist: Lucy Hadley (THE 37’ RV ) – her name was Lucy, but became Lucy HADLEY because Hadley a day went by without something happening.
CHAPTER 1:
DAY ONE
The trip out of Calgary started on-time with everyone organized and pre-packed. It only took a few hours for things to go awry. Out of Ft. MacLeod, Alberta, the drivers and navigators had a difference of opinion and poor Lucy was left to zig when she should have zagged. This diversion added an extra four hours to DAY ONE, causing us to cross the border at the height of rush hour and to arrive four hours late at the campground we had booked for the night. There was a sign on the door. OFFICE CLOSED. Go to Lot 4.
Following directions we headed for Lot 4, only to meet up with a half sober/half drunk, disheveled, rumpled fellow who was supposed to look after late arrivals. Needless so say, he had no information on us or where our site was -and couldn’t locate his phone to call for assistance. After ½ hr of negotiating, he finally allowed us to camp across the road from him. Our first priority was determining the location of the showers and bathrooms, whereupon he told us the owner had sold ½ the campground. Did you guess? That’s right; the half that was sold had the toilet/shower facilities. Stinky sleepers – need I say more.
DAY TWO
Leaving Montana, we began to climb the mountains of Wyoming. Higher and higher: Lucy was not happy – and she started to grumble. Every hill, it was “I think I can, I think I can . . . I don’t want to”. She started to get hot under the collar; her temperature was way above normal, she had hot flashes and eventually had to be hosed down. A helpful trucker did offer words of comfort and “medical” advice for Lucy. “Just pour some of this green glop down her gullet; it should help her keep her cool”. Within the hour we could see it was working and headed off.
Three hours behind schedule we finally reached our day-end destination in Buffalo, Wyoming, only to find our campsite given away. After some heated consultation the matter was resolved and a tired and grumpy group decided to have an early night. Tomorrow would be a better day with a fresh start. Let me just note that there were no showers here either…so another stinky sleeper night and not much of a “fresh” start.
DAY THREE
According to the weather report, the temperature was expected to be in the HIGH 40s – good thing we decided to start out early. What a lovely day for a drive through western USA! First thing of note were miles and miles and miles of signs along the highway.
Strangely, they were all about Wall Drug: “Getting Closer to Wall Drug”, “Fresh Water at Wall Drug”, “Wall Drug or Bust”, “Wall Drug Just Ahead”, and “Wall Drug – Do Not Miss It!”
The miles rolled by and sure enough from the highway, we saw the water tower of Wall, South Dakota. It was not in the stars; it was not meant to be; we never made it to Wall Drug.
THE LAST STRAW
Lucy decided 46 degrees, 500 miles in one day, was more than she was going to stand for. Bang, like a Revenue Agent shooting off a warning shot, she exploded. Then Bang again – she backfired and quit. Good thing we bought AMA (AAA) before leaving Canada. Approximately 2½ hours and four phone calls later, the voice from AMA Centralized Dispatch **in another state** said we should find our own tow truck. She didn’t know where she would find a towing service in Wall that could tow a 37’ RV. Now, even us hicks from “cow town” in Canada knew that she’d have to contact a wrecker in the nearest BIG city to handle such a job – so politely asked her if she could PLEASE do this – as we had not thought to bring a Wyoming telephone book with us from Canada!
After another 2 hr wait in the blistering heat, the wrecker finally arrived with an overworked driver who had been on call for 15 hours already and who had been led to believe that he’d been sent out to tow an empty RV. Nobody told him there were 5 hot, tired passengers that needed a ride. But this fellow had a heart of gold and after the ½ hour it took him to hook up, he asked us all to bed down in his sleeper, instead of staying on the side of the road all night – or following the yellow-brick road and walking the 80 miles in to Rapid City. We took him up on his offer and all climbed in for the ride. When we arrived at the garage, it was dark. The lights were on but nobody was home (sound familiar?). That night we slept in the RV in the garage parking lot – and guess what – no showers… really, really stinky (can you say reeky?)!
DAY FOUR
Hallelujah! Mechanics with magic fingers played with Lucy and made her purr again. It took them all day to get her fixed but with Karen & Dennis at her side to make sure she wasn’t manhandled, she pulled through in good shape. Meanwhile the rest of the crew, George, Martha & Sarah made their escape to Mt Rushmore for the day via a rental car. Sarah sent these text messages home. “Broke down yesterday. Stuck on the side of the highway for 6½ hrs. Rented a car. Went to Mt. Rushmore. Got fixed–on the road again. A day behindJ” When asked by her mom (Rose) what happened, she texted back, “Nothing. There were just 5 dead mice in the engine that ate through some electrical cords and fried themselves”.
Needless to say, the mechanics had a profitable day and Lucy started to prove she was not a cheap date.
DAY FIVE
ON THE ROAD AGAIN! At lunchtime, we stopped in typical Small Town USA for a bite to eat. Parking spots were small, to say the least, and as a result driver Dennis backed Lucy into a telephone pole, bruising her rear end. Lucy required some first aid with Red Green duct tape, surgical screws and an electric drill, provided compliments of the local hardware store and a quarter for the tool rental. It was determined that the backup camera apparently has a blind spot. All bandaged up, and on the way again. . . Illinois KOA Campground here we come. At last! A campground with all the amenities – including showers.
DAY SIX
The first challenge of the day was for Dennis to use the big blue hoses and empty Lucy’s holding tank. Co-pilot Martha told him to read the manual – all the instructions should be there.
Shortly thereafter, Sarah, the prisoner sent this message home. “Dennis got a face full of sewage this morning. He went to disconnect the hose while he was on his knees and the cap wasn’t on. He was covered head to toe.”
Needless to say, Dennis was not a happy camper. He banged at the door and, with arms out-stretched; the only word he could spit out was “towel”. He showered, used the pool – and got his money’s worth at this campground. Later in the morning, we got a second round of entertainment. We watched a $100,000 RV back onto a huge boulder while negotiating their exit. Two sidewalk supervisors were giving precise directions on how to avoid such an incident -and two more were directing how to get down off the boulder now that the deed was done. Enough hilarity for one day. Time to get going.
DAY SEVEN
Wake-up today was in Michigan, near Benton Harbour (or as Karen calls it – Bed In The Harbour). The prisoner had a hissy fit, having lost her phone, and proceeded to tear Lucy apart. If there was an under, an over or an in- anything, it was searched – all to no avail. But wait – there’s a ringing going on, and it’s not in our ears. Somehow, after following the ringing, the phone is found to be “in the wall”! It appears Lucy may have devoured it. Dennis decided it was staying there – as he wasn’t tearing Lucy apart to retrieve the prisoner’s most prized possession. That was not a wise move! We were all plunged into Purgatory for the rest of the day – and this on top of a 3-hr wait sitting at the border trying to get back into Canada. Lucy was unhappy again. She began to cough. We thought she might have contracted some sort of vehicular whooping cough, the way she was sputtering and wheezing and dragging her rear-end. Everyone prayed for safe entry to Canada. Twenty minutes later, prayers answered, Dennis broke down and took off Lucy’s wall covering (a table panel) and lo and behold found the missing cell phone. Peace abounds!
DAY EIGHT
We arrived at our final destination at John and Maria’s in London, Ontario. Ahh, a good night’s sleep at last. In the morning it was discovered that Lucy was sicker than previously believed – and her condition could have had serious health effects on her travelling companions. Alas, John, Bob and Henry had to give Lucy a gasket transplant and repair her exhaust. However, her automatic step which had stopped functioning would have to remain on the list for elective surgery or until a specialist could be booked.
CHAPTER TWO
CONDENSED VERSION
The visit to Ontario and return trip to Alberta were not without incident. Lucy Hadley lived up to her name:
In Ontario:
- The microwave and all the wall plugs blew, but no information on the fuse box’s location could be found (it took 2 days to locate)
- In the middle of the night, while Lucy was parked in John and Maria’s driveway, the air conditioner blew the fuses. It appeared the extension cord was inadequate for the power required and as soon as John & Maria’s in-house air turned on, the RV blew the fuses. We thought we’d have to buy a new one but found a heavy-duty cord stored in an under-belly compartment.
- In the middle of one night, the window blind self-propelled to the top of the door, almost giving Martha and George a heart attack.
- Rounding the bend to visit a friend, BLACK smoke started barreling out of the bedroom – and no one was anywhere near there. The water pump had mysteriously caught fire.
- Second indication that the backup camera had its limitations was upon learning that it is unable to detect a rise in land formation – George backed into a hill… OOPS – more duct tape.
- Another day, while driving, people started pointing quite animatedly, trying to catch our attention. Apparently, the bolts had broken off the outside storage compartment and the 5’ long door was flapping furiously in the wind, with only one bolt keeping it from flying away. More duct tape – red this time.
ALBERTA BOUND
- Border guards wanted to know why the compartment was sealed with red duct tape. Not interested in any smuggled goods or contraband – just the red tape. They were very kind and left it intact.
- Driving down the road, the overhead TV, mounted above the driver’s seat, broke its bounds and flew off the shelf, swinging at the driver’s head, like a wonky pendulum. If George had been alone, he might have been knocked out. Fortunately, the co-pilot was able to hold the TV until the rig could stop safely. Lucy may need some moisturizer – as it seems she is drying out!
- On the road again another day and more people, more waving, more pointing. Looking out the window, the duct-taped compartment seemed fine and nothing else was amiss, so on we drove. However, people then began honking. It appeared Lucy was losing her hubcaps one by one, and they were rolling down the highway behind us. We went back and found 2 of the 4.
- Temperature 46 degrees Celsius – and the air conditioner decided not to work. A cousin in Indiana advised us to take the Illinois State Toll Road for the fastest route to North Dakota. She neglected to say there were toll booths every 5 miles – and we couldn’t get off the highway. As we had to pay at each booth, the total was over $40 for toll fares before reaching the Wisconsin border. Needless to say, once we got to Wisconsin another route was chosen.
- North Dakota – still no air conditioning. It was our 50th wedding anniversary. We decided to stay in a hotel overnight (what a treat – showers and all). We got permission to plug Lucy in for the night, but as could be expected at this point in the story, all did not go well. There was a power surge and on rising in the morning we found that all the food in the refrigerator had spoiled.
- The final incident – On crossing the bridge at Minneapolis, Minnesota, little did we know that. . . . One week later to the hour . . . this bridge would collapse.
In closing, although our travels with Lucy matched Robin Williams’ experiences in the movie RV, we can only feel that somebody upstairs was watching over us and we are here to tell the tale.
Here is hoping that everyone enjoys their camping adventures this year as much as we did and still live to tell about it.
